Hampton Cove Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Dillard's in Madison Square Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a longhaired foreign dog-named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold separately.

Madison Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Tahoe SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit is available.

Cullman Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Buck knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're talking about.

Monte Sano Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a supped up H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.

Talladega Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a gun rack and Confederate flag absolutely free.

Hazel Green Barbie: This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while she entertains friends at the club. Percocet prescription is available.

Five Points Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and arch less feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt. She prefers that you call her "Willow."

Arab Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of Talladega Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and a rusty old Ford pick up.

Texas Transplant Barbie: This Barbie comes with a Ford SUV (with Texas plates), a knife to stab other Barbie's in the back, and tons of makeup. Carnivore Ken sold separately.

Downtown Barbie: This Barbie is the same model of Barbie that was released in 1982. She comes with shoulder pads, dark polyester skirt, white pantyhose and a bad haircut.