The job interview

At the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer just out of MIT what kind of salary he was looking for.

"In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package," he said.

"Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car...say, a red Corvette?"

"Wow! Are you kidding?" responded the engineer.

"Yeah, but you started it."

Bad day at work

A man joined a big company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me some coffee, quick!"

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No," replied the trainee. "It's the managing director of the company, you fool!"

The man shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"

"No," replied the director.

"Good," said the trainee as he hung up.

A case for the FBI

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes it is. What do you want?" the voice replies. "I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood," the man says. "We will investigate," says the FBI agent.

On the next day, the FBI goes to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, curse at Tom and leave.

The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come and chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." Tom answers "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

Who is Marylou?

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."

"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."

The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.

"What was that for?" he complained.

"Your dog called last night."

How long?

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house."

Power algebra

Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as a salesperson. Below is rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is power. Postulate 2: Time is money.

As every engineer knows... Work/Time = Power

Knowledge = Power

Time = Money

Therefore we have: Work/Money = Knowledge

Solving for money, we get: Work/Knowledge = Money

Thus, as knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity regardless of the work done.

Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make. SALES, that's where it's at!